Today was hard. My phone rang at 7:15 (never a good time to have the phone ring), and it was my blood doc’s office telling me that my TSH level is high. As in, get thee to your primary care doc (TODAY! they said), and get some drugs pronto!
I went on the damn internet and couldn’t find any decent information because I was so freaked out and brain addled. Turns out the internet is only as good as the user, ha!
And then I lost it. I dropped my basket. I cried. I ranted. I saw colors and stars. And then I quite literally puked. WTF?
My poor children cried to see me in such a state. My poor boy tried to calm me down, but I wasn’t having it.
I was on a tear.I was ready to call Dr. M and tell him that I am done with this crap. I cannot take it anymore! I was ready to throw in the towel.
My boy sent me upstairs to calm down. I was able to call my sister (who is wise about all things thyroid), and she was able to talk me off of the ledge. I got on the phone and made a same day appointment with my primary and tried to sit back and not google anymore.
I have to say that I have not felt right for a while now. Hyper-emotional, sad, blue, and a bit ready to bite a head off if necessary. Looking at my labs today, I can quite literally see when my thyroid took a nose dive. I can also trace my mood alterations to that time frame as well. I haven’t been myself. Literally.
I saw the doctor and she immediately put me on some synthroid. She also ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid gland, just to ensure that I don’t have any nodules. Yet another fun medical test to put on my list this year. Heh.
Even after my positive doctor’s appointment, I still felt quite ready to just quit this nonsense. I cried and cried to my husband tonight about how tired I am. I am so weary, both physically and emotionally.
And then I looked at the circles under his eyes. My dear, sweet boy is exhausted too. My children are most definitely feeling the pinch of my stress as well.
Then he reminded me that this is all for the greater good of our family. And that to throw in the towel now would be incredibly selfish. Oomph.
So….I am going upstairs to take a hot bath and to have a good cry. I sure hope that thyroid drug gets in there and brings my sanity back. I miss me.
Beth said,
April 9, 2009 at 7:15 am
Oh Lady…keep up the good fight. You’re doing so well, and you’re allowed to have your down moments. Thyroid can mess with your emotions so badly. The synthroid will set your moods to right. Don’t worrry about the kiddos…it’s good for them to see that you can be fragile. It will be easier for them to tackle their own obstacles as they grow up knowing that everyone, even their strong warrior of a mommy occasionally became overwhelmed by life’s curveballs..
It’s really only a few more months now. You can do it. And then next summer you can all come up for a visit and hang out on “our” beach in the warm sun and move on with your life. (Like how I snuck that in there? lol).
Love you Lady!
(And that’s one strong, smart man you got there)!
mathair said,
April 9, 2009 at 7:51 am
After 3 days of taking it, I *think* that I am feeling a bit more emotionally stable. Or; that wonderful placebo affect has kicked in. Whatever! I’ll take some good wherever I can.
My babes are hanging in there. M and I have had some intense conversations lately about life and death. And how even grownups get sad, mad, and just plain silly when life gets hard. She’s rolling with the punches and we are managing. R is just a love bug and is also very in tune with me. She cried with me the other day.
That’s when my boy sent me upstairs to get a grip.
He is a wise, strong, and amazing man. He grounds me when I get into the ether like that. I am so blessed and amazed to have him by my side.
And thank you for your words; as always.
Love you too. And yes, we will most definitely be invading next summer! You can count on it.
Have a lovely holiday – we are off to my MIL’s for the next 4 days.
Beth said,
April 9, 2009 at 11:34 am
Have a fabulous weekend!