Dóchas

So much has happened over the past week. Let me summarize.

• My insurance denied the claim for my Interferon on Monday. They need to go through the pre-authorization process for it again – this can take 72 hours, or 4 weeks.
• I was expecting a delivery of my meds on Tuesday. And oh by the way, I am completely out of interferon.
• I started calling Dr.M’s cell that night, stressing the time sensitive aspect of it all.
• On Tuesday I called his assistant as soon as the office opened in the morning. She assured me that she would start working on it.
• By 3:00, when I had still not heard from her, I called to check in. She informed me that she had not even began working on my issue.
• I freaked out a bit on the phone with her. I reiterated that I just needed the Doc to sign the pre-auth form and provide the supporting documentation for the insurance company.
• I emailed Dr. M Tuesday night – at this point totally freaked out – and implored him to please fast track this issue.
• Wednesday morning I called the specialty pharmacy to check as to whether or not Dr. M’s office has sent over the proper paperwork. They had not.
• At this point I put down the phone and just sobbed. I HATE FEELING HELPLESS!! There was much running about and gnashing of teeth.
• My husband is extremely distressed and pissed off that I am in this position. And at this point, I am physically ill from the stress.
• We realize at this point that they neglected to file the proper forms back in January, once Dr. M decided to extend my therapy.
• Then my husband’s head threatens to explode.
• He got on the phone with the insurance company to see if we could help expedite the process.
• They too say that they just need the damn paperwork!
• And what’s worse; is that I have yet to receive a call from Dr. M. And his response to my email left much to be desired.
• At this point I am completely heartbroken and deflated.
• It’s not so much about continuing  treatment. It’ just that once again, a medical professional that I trust and rely upon did not do their job. Whether it’s his staff or whomever – it doesn’t matter. FAIL.
• I think that putting Dr. M up on a pedestal was dangerous business for me. Because boy does it suck when people fall off of those things.
• As of today the insurance company is ’still reviewing’ my claim. The pharmacist told me to discontinue my Ribavarin today too, as one drug does not work without the other.
• So today could be the last day of my treatment….Thank goodness I was still clear of the virus as of 2 weeks ago.
• Or the insurance company could come back on Monday and approve the meds.
• Hello, grey area. I am in limbo, and I still can’t get my doctor to respond!!

• Thank goodness I was still clear of the virus as of 2 weeks ago.

• So for today, I choose to try to find some peace.

I am going to take care of myself. I am not going to allow my anger to get the best of me. I am going to allow myself to grieve a bit about my doc letting me down.

I think I may get certified for Reiki II tomorrow if I feel up to it. I am going to squeeze my babies and enjoy my Mother’s Day. I am going to pinch myself and gaze in wonder at the amazing man I married. I am going to live